MIA

I miss writing. I miss sewing and crafting (or learning to do so, anyway). I miss being home and having all the time in the world to clean and keep things at least somewhat straightened up. Did I say I wanted to return to work?? Well, I'm regretting that now.

If it were a job I enjoyed, it would be different. There is nothing about my current employment that pleases me, in any way. I deal with many different people, most being rude, obnoxious, crude and just plain distasteful. There are the regulars that come in almost every day and put a smile on my face...and they definitely help on those really bad days, but nothing can make up for constantly being miserable. Not to mention pregnant, hormonal and crabby. I am not likely to bite my tongue these days in response to a rude comment or complaint.

Between being pregnant and working this job, I've lost all motivation to do anything else. My house stays a disaster. My laundry stays piled up. Even if it's clean, it doesn't get put away until I just have no more room and can't stand it any longer. My sewing machine sits on the dining room table, collecting dust until the past few days. Toys stay spread all over the living room, dining room, kitchen...where ever they end up is where they stay. I used to make it a point to clean everything up at night, to at least wake to calmness every morning. I used to make the bed every single day.

I also used to fuss about not having a break from my kid. Never having enough money. Struggling to make a grocery list to last a week on $30.

So many Americans are struggling. I get it. We're not the only ones. However, my husband being Active Duty Army makes me think that things should NOT be as hard as they are for us, without my measly income. Add on top of everything else, the fact that, since January, he has been gone for a total of 2 months, leaving me to do everything alone. Work, raise a toddler, keep up a home, create a human, find another sitter when ours fell through, deal with diabetes and doctors appointments and crappy care from on-post OB/Gyn.

I am getting a major dose of real Military life here. These past few weeks have really gotten to me, emotionally and physically. The thought of deployment terrifies me. If I can't manage to keep it together for a month at a time, how in the hell am I going to survive for a year?? With TWO children. Away from all family and friends.

I know I need to make an effort to make friends here. Why is it so hard for me?? I have Army Wife groups on my Facebook page, but never really get involved with any events. Can't make friends if I don't try though, huh?

I'm going to make it a point to try harder. Weeks like the last few I've had can NOT happen again.